This is last night's post "Calling All Discipline Experts" with a new title. I guess no one feels like an "expert". ;) But I really would love some responses. I feel like this was a powerful talk and a powerful realization when reading this specific line. I am sure we could all benefit from each other's words. Please Share!
I just re-read Elder Robbin's talk from Conference again. It was one of my favorites. I am excited because we get to discuss it in Relief Society this Sunday. And it has given me much to think about.
I hadn't noticed this line when I'd read it before and boy did it shoot out to me this time:
"We will never have a greater opportunity to teach and show Christlike attributes to our children than in the way we discipline them."
Yikes! I need to work on this. Often I think I do exactly the opposite. Sometimes I end up being the one in the wrong. I react too quickly, or too loudly, or just simply overreact. Not good.
I loved some of the ideas that he gave in the talk about disciplining but I'd love to hear more. What do you do to make sure you keep your cool in a heated moment? What types of consequences do you use? I want to cease the opportunity to teach Christlike attributes rather than give them examples of how NOT to act. Let the ideas roll.
3 comments:
As I look back to the times when my two girls were young, and in elementary school, I remember when I kept a low tone voice and didn't get all upset because they weren't following directions, and getting results because I was calm. It didn't always happen that way, but I would apologize to them when I realized that I was out of line, and wrong. They learned that I wasn't perfect and I do make mistakes. But the important thing is to always FOLLOW THROUGH on any threatened consequences. You are their first teacher...NO means No. Once you can follow through with the consequences and they see that you mean business, then you will have much calmer children. Just decide to never raise your voice again at them, unless it is a matter of life and death. Disciplining them as though their behavior is of no consequence to you, and it doesn't get a rise out of you, will help them to know when you are teaching them.
Good luck.
I linked to your blog from your post on Diapers and Divinity. Hang in there! You're on the right path just by observing and noticing the patterns. I'm a therapist that works with children and families, and one of the things that always helps parents feel empowered is knowing they are parent-neurologists. Brains are plastic and change with each interaction we have. I loved Elder Robbins talk too because teaching/discipline that takes place in the context of a relationship is permanent. Behavioral interventions (and a lot of the "methods" of parenting) change behavior in isolated circumstances where there is a reward or consequence. Parenting (giving direction and helping children learn) generalizes behavior across a lot of settings. It's internal regulation vs. external regulation. Knowing that has also helped me understand more about why agency is so important in our Heavenly Father's plan. If we do something of our own will, it becomes a part of us. (And just for the record, I tell everyone this is always easier to talk about than it is to do as a parent.) Keep up the journey. Your children are blessed that you're asking those difficult questions!
This is my only suggestion, because I am OBVIOUSLY not an expert on this topic. I send my kids to their room a lot. It just helps me to diffuse the situation in the moment, cool down, and then go talk to them when I'm ready. Of course they're a little defensive once I show up at their door because they know they're in trouble, but I try hard to not be angry in that conversation. I try to be rational and help them seem why it's a problem. They will usually apologize and we come to a mutual understanding of the expectations. I'm still working on the anger-in-the-moment part.
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