Wishing a Happy (Not Guilty) Mother's Day to You!

You feel like you are the only one who is snapping at your kids and the only one with goldfish crackers smashed into your carpet. You feel like you are the only one with kids who don’t listen or who seem to be bickering non-stop and the only one who forgot about a meeting that you should’ve been at or something for your kid’s school project. Sometimes you feel like a lousy Mom and everyone else has it all together. You’re the one with a kid screaming as your dragging them out of the store. You’re the one who always has more laundry in the basket, whether clean or dirty, than you do in the dresser drawers. You’re the one with a to-do list the size of Texas and only a few things crossed off. Sometimes you feel alone and cumbered with the so many roles you carry and sometimes downright stressed, overwhelmed, and frankly not like the Mom you thought you’d be. You may feel that way at times. I know I do. I have felt like the only one and yet time and time again I am reminded that I am not. Maybe all of the descriptions above don’t fit you to a tee but you could take away a few and add a few others and still another slew of women would join you in the battle.

 I recently had a conversation with a good friend and neighbor about how we often forget that others are real and we are determined that they have it all together. She said that she would think that our home was pristine. Well, she was wrong. :) As we type, behind me sits a room waiting for me or someone to come a long and bring it back into order and a similar scenario rings true for almost every room in the house. On another occasion I discovered that someone thought that I listened to Church music and only church music every day of the week. When they found out I rocked out to the radio while doing dishes they were surprised. I too was surprised at how I am perceived. Church music every day would be great but that is not the real me. We like dance parties at our house. If we think we know the kind of Mom that lies behind the doors of each and every home, we are mistaken. We are all real and we are all trying but none of us is the perfect wife, or mother, or woman.

Today, I had the opportunity to sit in Relief Society and listen to a lovely lesson. I am in primary and it was nice to have a spirit-filled adult driven lesson (I do love primary but it was nice today:). I ended up making a comment about how today, Mother’s Day, can be a day full of guilt and we can be too hard on ourselves. I talked about how we are not the only one and we need to recognize that everyone else is real, we are all human, and no one has everything all together and perfectly in order. We are all trying and we all fall short sometimes. I shared portions of the conversation that my friend and I had had. As I expounded on this idea I felt how much it resonated with so many other sisters in the room. There were tears and there was no question that many had felt the way I described. We need to be real with ourselves. We need to realize that we are doing just fine. And that so-and-so down the street is just as real as you and sometimes they feel lousy and frustrated and completely behind and rundown just like you do.

 Elder Jeffrey R. Holland ( “Because She Is a Mother”) gave this encouragement, “Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.”

All we need to do is make an honest effort. Sometimes I think that things are too hard to get done with 3 demanding little ones but I don’t give it my best effort and some things fall short. In saying that we are all real and we all struggle I am not saying we should justify our behavior as mothers or let things slide that really matter because so-and-so struggles with that too. We do need to try our best. We shouldn’t join in the comparing that sometimes goes on among women but we can recognize that no one is perfect and not beat ourselves up over our imperfectness.

 President Gordon B. Hinckley continually counseled, “Do your best.” And then he added: “But I want to emphasize that it be the very best. We are too prone to be satisfied with mediocre performance. We are capable of doing so much better” (“Standing Strong and Immovable,” World Leadership Training Meeting, 10 January 2004 [Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2004], 21).

So on this Mother’s Day, recognize the good that you do. Recognize the good that others do. Recognize that you’re not perfect and that is okay, just try your very best and you will be “made more than you are and better than you have ever been”.

This is just as much counsel to me as it is to anyone else. My hope this week as I am down on my knees picking up the goldfish smashed into the carpet, and trying to hold my tongue when I feel close to snapping, and dragging my 3 year old out of the store screaming, and trying to make our dressers fuller than our baskets, that I can remember that I may not be perfect but if I am trying my very best that angels will be watching over me and my little ones. I hope they feel invited because I need them and so does so-and-so down the street. Happy Mother’s Day!

To every woman...

...for every woman is a Mother.

Thank you to all of the wonderful women in my life!

Sister Scriptorians

"We want our sisters to be scholars of the scriptures. … You need an acquaintanceship with his eternal truths for your own well being, and for the purposes of teaching your own children and all others who come within your influence.”3

“We want our homes to be blessed with sister scriptorians—whether you are single or married, young or old, widowed or living in a family. … Become scholars of the scriptures—not to put others down, but to lift them up!”4

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985).

I loved this quote from the March visiting teaching message. There are so many men (of course there are women as well) in the church who are known as scriptorians or scholars. I love this charge for all women to jump in and join them. As mothers we really need to be well acquainted with the scriptures, our children need it.

Self-Medicating...

I ran, I dove, I smacked into the accordian wall on several occasions, I slide on the floor and gave my back a bump on the stage, and then it might seem that I scooted home quickly to head straight to the cupboard for a "dose of relief" but it wasn't that kind of self-medicating. Oh, it was a dose just right, so right that I realized that I need to "self-medicate" much more often. It was just what I needed.

It was a stake women's basketball game. A cure really. Now you might be thinking, what? A stake basketball game, self-medicating? Hmmm, that's interesting.

So let me explain - I played and I played hard, not the kind of hard I played in high school but the kind of hard that a Mommy who needs to just get the "Mommy Wiggles" out does. And it felt good. I came home tired but rejuvenated. And then the late night wakings of a Mommy with a new little one began and as I sat there nursing at two a.m., half asleep, the thought popped into my mind that that night's game was self-medicating. Weird, I know, but that was my thought.

So the following day I looked up this definition:

Self-medicating is the use of a drug with therapeutic intent but without professional advice or prescription.

And now I have realized that I really can't call what happened that night self-medicating although it did act as a drug in that some Mommy symptoms felt relieved and non-existent for a time and it did feel quite therapeutic however it had been prescribed by a professional indeed, only I had forgotten to refill my prescription. So you see, after this self-medicating event and a week or so later THIS event, I've been reminded that unlike many prescriptions this type requires refill after refill to keep symptoms in check.

And the prescription is written by this wonderful professional:

Elder Ballard

First we must accept the prescription:
"Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse (so ladies no real self-medicating :), mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it."

And then here is where the role of your "pharmasist husband" comes in:

"Give your wife a “day away” now and then. Just take over the household and give your wife a break from her daily responsibilities. Taking over for a while will greatly enhance your appreciation of what your wife does. You may do a lot of lifting, twisting, and bending!"

So when you are feeling a funk coming on or well before then you may just want to call-in a prescription to your husband at work or hand him a copy of this quote when he gets home and head out the door or lock yourself in your bedroom or whatever your choice of "medicating" might be. For me, this time, it was stake basketball but maybe next time I'll lock myself in my room with a good book.

It is high time I follow the prescription (counsel) of a professional and fill up my well on occasion. So maybe today (Valentine's Day) I'll be asking my honey for a day-away or maybe just an hour. I have a feeling that sometime soon I may be in need of a "dose".

Movie Monday: Modest is Hottest

“Many of you are trying too hard to be unique in your dress and grooming to attract what the Lord would consider the wrong kind of attention. In the Book of Mormon story of the tree of life, it was the people whose ‘manner of dress was exceedingly fine’ who mocked those who partook of the fruit of the tree. It is sobering to realize that the fashion-conscious mockers in the great and spacious building were responsible for embarrassing many, and those who were ashamed ‘fell away into forbidden paths and were lost’ (1 Nephi 8:27–28).” -Elder L. Tom Perry

General Relief Society Meeting: September 2009

I am really looking forward to this meeting. There is always so much to glean from the wonderful messages shared. I just thought I'd post a reminder here that "the general Relief Society meeting will be held on Saturday, September 26, 2009, in the Conference Center in Salt Lake City at 6:00 p.m. mountain daylight time". I'm a little late in posting this so that is TOMORROW!

I hope we will all take the time to listen to a "member of the First Presidency, as well as the members of the Relief Society general presidency." I always seem to come away feeling rejuvenated, more dedicated, and ready to tackle whatever comes my way. I am excited for a meeting just for women that allows a moment to reflect and recharge. Whoo-hoo!!!

To watch the meeting online live or at a later time click HERE.

The Women in Our Lives

Motherhood is Near to Divinity

"Many years ago the First Presidency issued a statement that has had a profound and lasting influence upon me. “Motherhood,” they wrote, “is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.” (Next to the Angels, Elder Russell M. Nelson, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)

With Mother's Day approaching I have been thinking of my amazing Mother. My Mom is indeed next to the angels. She is an angel. She is so incredibly selfless. She is so loving. She is so wise. She is so understanding. Her life has been solely dedicated to her family and to the Lord. She gives her all in both of these regards. I have never known her to give less than 100%. She is a great example to me of what a women and mother should be. I love her.

Along with thinking of my Mother I have been thinking of my role as a mother. I have a wonderful two year old boy and I have another equally as wonderful little one growing inside me. I am so blessed.

This last Sunday I was sick and had to stay home from church. I watched two hours of General Conference reruns none of which were about motherhood or womanhood but for some reason I was reminded so strongly of how blessed I am to be a mother and wife. As I rested on the couch I noticed the mess on the floor and rather than give me stress it brought me great joy. There were a few graham crackers broken up on the living room floor along with my little boys pajamas squished perfectly how they were when he stepped out of them. Do I realize the responsibility I have to raise the little boy that slept in those pajamas last night and who munched on a little bit of cracker and left it on the floor for later? Do I get it? Well in that moment I did. I got it. I got how important my role is. I forgot all of the tantrums and the spilled glasses of water. I realized that my role is divine, that it is next to divinity. I realized that God is entrusting me with these special children, His children, Children of God.

Now that day I got it and right now again (in tears), I think I am grasping it, but there will still be those days and those moments of spilled milk and those days and those moments of crying spells and I hope that I can always remember deep down in side that my role is divine and my children are my greatest blessing.

Let us take these words from President Hinckley and always remember our divine responsibility and our greatest blessing:

"Let every mother realize that she has no greater blessing than the children which have come to her as a gift from the Almighty; that she has no greater mission than to rear them in light and truth, and understanding and love; that she will have no greater happiness than to see them grow into young men and women who respect principles of virtue, who walk free from the stain of immorality and from the shame of delinquency. . . . I remind mothers everywhere of the sanctity of your calling. No other can adequately take your place. No responsibility is greater, no obligation more binding than that you rear in love and peace and integrity those whom you have brought into the world."

I hope we all can have a Happy Mother's Day as we remember our wonderful Mothers and as we remember the blessing it is to be mothers. I hope we will also remember on this day that we do not need to be perfect as long as we remember that our children are Children of God.

A Young Women's Positive Influence on Priesthood Bearers

I couldn't resist posting this great quote from Sister Ardeth Kapp. She shares a list of ways this influence may be shown. I think all women, young and old, can take something from these questions and these thoughts:

“Young women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, [1] do the young men you associate with know that you have a standard of excellence from which you will not depart? [2] Do they know by what you say and do that you honor and respect your parents and that [3] you follow the counsel of the leaders of the Church? [4] Do they know you will delay dating until after you are 16 because a prophet of the Lord has given that direction? [5] By your actions do they know that you have made up your mind to be good and that you will not weaken? [6] Can they look to your friendship to gain confidence and respect for themselves? [7] Will your language, your dress, your choice of entertainment, music, books, and movies help the young men who associate with you develop admiration and respect for womanhood? As young men are exposed to the world’s distorted role of womanhood, [8] can they see in you the refinement and sweetness that encourage an attitude of reverence, respect, and honor for that sacred calling?

“Strange that I had not realized before, but it is not as a young woman encourages a young man to go on a mission that her greatest influence is felt. Rather it is through her actions as she reveals her commitment and testimony to the gospel of Jesus Christ and gives evidence through her power and influence in the advancement of good” (“By the Way She Is,” p. 13; numbers added).

What a great thought provoking quote to ponder ourselves and also to pass on to the young women in our lives.

Picture Courtesy of LDS.org

Understanding the Divine Roles of Women

My last two posts have been about womanhood and motherhood and the trend continues. I've decided that each month I will write a post about the Visiting Teaching message and this month it just so happens to be about the divine roles of woman.


President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985):
“To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman’s strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times” (“Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, 103).

Our calling as women and mothers is a noble one. Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of that while in the midst of diapers, or dishes, or dating, or college, or work, or whatever our many roles entail. It is easy to forget that our influence and strength are seen and followed. But we are looked up to and watched. We are examples, good or bad.

The world is not in a state of tranquility but rather in many instances it is in a state of chaos. We are constantly bombarded by the views of the world. We are taught to seek out unnecessary worldly possessions. We are taught that we must look just so. We are taught that our role of being a mother is insignificant and unfulfilling. But if we come to understand our divine role as women all of these wordly views will fall away and our influence and strength will reach many.

Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

“… Although there is simply not a more significant contribution you can make to society, to the Church, or to the eternal destiny of our Father’s children than what you will do as a mother or father, motherhood and fatherhood are not the only measures of goodness or of one’s acceptance before the Lord. …

Every sister in this Church who has made covenants with the Lord has a divine mandate to help save souls, to lead the women of the world, to strengthen the homes of Zion, and to build the kingdom of God” (“Women of Righteousness,” Liahona, Dec. 2002, 36, 39; Ensign, Apr. 2002, 68, 70).

We all are needed. We all are important. We all have different talents. We all are in different circumstances and stages in our lives. Some of us are mothers and some are not. Some of us are married and some are single. Some of us are old and some young. Some stay home and some need to work. Some of us are converts and some have been members all of our lives. Some of us have met many physical trials and some have met more mental or emotional trials. It does not matter which of these characteristics we each hold. The divine roles of women are many and must be filled by each of us from all walks of life. As Elder Ballard suggested our roles do not stop at the walls of our homes, although there they are most significant. Our roles can and should expand far beyond the walls of our homes to lift and lead the women of the world and to build up and spread the kingdom of God.

All of us as women are divine. We all have a noble calling. We all have a great role - EVERY sister in this Church has a divine calling to help others, to lead others, to strengthen others, and to build others whether it be in our own homes, in our schools, in our communities, in our wards, at our work-places, or in the homes of those we visit teach. We can influence and strengthen others. We all have something to offer. We all hold the noble and divine calling of Womanhood.

Let us strive for a greater understanding of the divine roles that we hold as women. Let us open our eyes to the impact and influence we can have in our homes and in the world. Let us remember that we are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him.

Women of God

After my last post with the silly songs about motherhood I thought I would follow up with this amazing quote about womanhood by Margaret D. Nadauld a former General Young Women President of the church.

"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity" ("The Joy of Womanhood," Ensign, Nov. 2000, 15).

I first read this quote in a recent Visiting Teaching message but was reminded of it on another blog. What a great list of characteristics for all of us women to be working on.

Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while now know that I have a love for definitions. So I am going to plaster a few here in the context of this quote:

Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough or hardened; we need women who are tender or easily moved to compassion and loving. There are enough women who are coarse or harsh; we need women who are kind, considerate, and gentle. There are enough women who are rude or impolite; we need women who are refined or pure. We have enough women of fame and fortune or great wealth; we need more women of faith, confidence, and belief in God. We have enough greed or excessive desire for wealth and possessions; we need more goodness or moral excellence. We have enough vanity or pride of self; we need more virtue or chastity and righteousness. We have enough popularity or worldly approval; we need more purity or innocence and cleanliness.

How do you keep in perspective our divine role as woman? What have you done to avoid falling into the trap of becoming a woman of the world? What can we do to develop and strengthen these attributes of women of God and become more Christ-like?